Various Artists: Wondaland Presents: The Eephus [EP]

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A carrying case for “Classic Man” a.k.a. “Beg For It” a.k.a. “Fancy” a.k.a. “Rack City” a.k.a. I’m-so-fucking-sick-of-hearing-the-same-half-assed-rapping-over-the-same-half-assed-beat. Janelle Monae’s comment about aping “Fancy”‘s beat was this, “She steal from us, we steal from her.” Well, okay, but two things, Monae: she didn’t “steal” from “you”, and even if she did, the reverse-racism is racist in itself. Anyway, Jidenna has Janelle Monae’s sense of fashion but not her personality or ambition or execution, and worse, if this EP is anything to go on, he’s also bringing her down to his level: “Yoga” has the most by-the-books choruses you’ll ever hear from her (decent bass and decent pre-choruses, though), and Janelle Monae almost matches Jidenna’s stupidity in the verses (“Get off my areola?” Like, just the one?). Of course, “Classic Man” has outcharted anything by Monae, and “Yoga” has more YouTube views than anything else by her (despite being released years later); I guess “Tightrope” and “Q.U.E.E.N.” weren’t slutty enough, despite being much more sexual?

The other three members of Wondaland all get their own songs, with only “Going Nowhere”‘s choruses of note. Grab the remix of “Classic Man,” where Kendrick Lamar lays waste to everything preceding it by wasting an outstanding verse for this nobody (“I know what I like, I eat the pussy for my nourishment / I know how to cherish it / I know how to decorate your wall and further furnish it / I’m a burn your shit down, this is what the furnace is / I’m a turn your shit around wit’ some friendly services”). Where are the people who were angry with him doing “Bad Blood” now? Oh, that’s right: you guys had no idea why you were angry in the first place.

D

 

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